Greetings again one and all! Alisha has been on my case, in a lovingly way though, that I update this blog. She says it is because she wants my peeps to know what is going on. But she admitted that, secretly, she likes to see what is on my mind. Isn’t she just a sweet little deceiving love nugget? Anyhow, I figured that it was time to take a break from Gears and get this little fella updated. And now onto the juicy stuff.
In the previous blog, the one written by Alisha, she failed to mention one very important feature of me being in Kansas. I am the resident spider-killer in this apartment. And if you ask Alisha, this is by far the most important job I do. There have been times when I have been in one room, and when, suddenly, out of the blue came a scream from the room. “SPIDER!” then a quick exasperated breathes. “ZACK! COME KILL THIS SPIDER!” After I laugh for a minute or two, and Leesh is done hyperventilating, I come and quickly kill the spider. The poor little spiders never had a chance, and because of Leesh’s irrational arachnophobia, spiders are now steering clear of our apartment. Which I guess is a good thing, until we had another unwanted visitor, and this one was slightly bigger.
We had a mouse! This is a very serious problem. I can handle some little spider that I could squash with my mighty thumbs. (As mentioned earlier, I have been playing a lot of Gears, my thumbs are fine-tuned killing machines!). But a mouse? How the fuck am I supposed to deal with this!? Leesh was up in arms about this mouse in the apartment. First thing Monday morning, as we discovered the scumbag-bastard on the weekend, Leesh was at the apartment complex demanding action be taken. The sneaky little shit found a way to get into our cabinet from the hole in the back. There is a switch in the back that turns on and off the water. That is how he got in. It turns out that the little asshole was eating my food. Well that’s it, he is doomed. I will not tolerate some food stealing, disease spreading, whisker faced mongrel running rampart around my domicile. Well the apartment people did just enough to fix the problem, I suppose. The covered up the hole by nailing a piece of board over the area he got in through. Real top rate work. Blah! Well this is just fucking great. Now the mouse can die inside the wall and stink up the place. Some people are idiots, and we are forced to live around them. Oh woe is me.
As of the typing of this little blog, Alisha is making pumpkin bread. I do not know if any of you have ever had some of Alisha’s famous pumpkin bread, but it is hella delicious. This is the third? time that she has made pumpkin bread. The first time that she made some I did not have a chance to eat any of it before Alisha NOM NOMED it all. She was angry that I did not help her because she ended up consuming all that junk food herself. It was super unhealthy, and she wanted me to share in that unhealthiness. The second time, she gave me a bite, and I discovered how enchanting the little morsels of bread are that I then proceeded to eat most of the two loaves. This was also a bad idea. Though I did save her from morally unhealthy choices, I received chastisement from her for eating all her bread. There is apparently no winning with her I have noticed. ;) So with the this batch of pumpkin bread that she is making, we will see if a can somehow find that happy middle ground where I don’t let her eat too much as to let her think that it is really unhealthy, and the other side where I eat too much and don’t let her have any. Although I do have to admit, it is smells super delicious right now.
For those of you who follow me on facebook, let’s face it, if you are reading this than we are friends on facebook, you will remember that the other day I posted something about seeing some missionaries on the prowl about the neighborhood. Well Leesh and I had the opportunity to meet with them. I say opportunity mainly because I don’t want to offend anyone, as a number of our friends and a few family members are of the LDS persuasion. Anywho, we ran into them, coincidently enough, while walking to the grocery store to pick up some tequila and margarita mix for a little happy hour time. I, personally, have had very little experience with missionaries. Other than one of my close friends being a RM, I have never expressed any desire to talk about it. Any questions I do have I just direct toward my one friend and he gives me the answer without any kind of guilt-tripping, you’re going to hell for living the life of a sinner talk. As the missionaries happened upon us, they were cordial, as I suppose you have to be as a salesman (face it, missionaries are salesman, getting you to buy in on their business), and struck up a conversation. One was from Utah and we were kinda talking about that. There were a few subtle hints that I picked up from the conversation that I could tell where they were directing the chat. They finally asked if we had any interest in the church. Leesh, being the consummate atheist that she is, mentioned that she was in fact an atheist and thus didn’t have any interest in learning about the church. The head missionary then asked, “Are you happy with being an atheist?” To which she took a little offense. The missionary then said, “The church has always brought me happiness.” Though we quickly made excuses and left the two missionaries to go get our drink on, Leesh was very annoyed by the interaction with them. She was very upset with the fact that the missionaries implied that since she was an atheist she was unable to be happy in life. She was pretty upset about the interaction.
Isn’t it always the way that after some social interactions you always remember the best thing to say. Leesh happened to feel rather insulted after this event and started to think about all the things she could of said. She thought about it and said, “I should of said, yes, being an atheist does bring me happiness. I get lots and lots of sex with my boyfriend without the inhibited social pressures of organized religion. And now, I am going to go get some alcohol and get trashed.” I think that is hella funny. Well, at the very least, it reminded us of home.
And now, onto some funny rage comics. Each one reminded me of Alisha in some away or another. They are all relevant to me and to us. They need a little explanation, but don’t you worry, I can say with relative certainly that they will amuse you.
This first one is funny because it is not really applicable here, because Alisha is already trained. Whenever I am gaming, Leesh quickly jumps through the front of the screen whenever she has to pass by. This is great, it does not hinder my hard concentration that I have when blowing shit up. So, excellent, Alisha comes in with built in protocols.
Next:
This one is hella funny. It is simple and quick to the point. And very, very, very TRUE! Alisha has yet to fart around me. At all, ever! After like a year and a half of dating she has yet to break wind around me. She says that she is still not comfortable enough with me to fart around me. Apparently she still wants to impress me. Such silliness. If I did not know any better I could swear Alisha did not have a butt. Well, if I listened to my good friend’s wife who says, “It’s true that women don’t have assholes until they are married.” Anyway, one day, soon, Alisha will fart, and it will be an end to an era.
Finally:
This one is kinda my favorite. I tickle the beejeezus out of Alisha. All the time. For no reason what so ever. I need not defend my reasons why I do it, I am her boyfriend and thusly I am allowed to tickle as much as I want. She would do anything to stop it. Well, almost anything….
Now it is time to end this thing. It is super long (that’s what she said). Bye bye
No comments:
Post a Comment