I lack any witty or zippy title name.

Well well now, this is starting to turn into the real thing. Blog #2! Hot damn! I will get the boring updates out of the way early. I’m fine. Alisha is fine. Work sucks. School sucks. The only joy either of has is when we are hunkered down in the apartment doing nothing together . It is outrageously hot, the bugs are abnormally huge, and we have been watching far too much 90s comedy sitcoms. And now, on to the more interesting and funny stuff.

Speaking of work though, I would like to, ever so briefly talk about it. Working in retail is in some aspects universal. There are some codes that can get paged in order to respond to different scenarios. They are all very serious. For example, a code brown is a shooting, a code red is a fire, etc.  It is worth mentioning that the color purple is not used in this scheme. To change the topic slightly, Manhattan is a college town and thusly 90% of the people have K-State garb. K-State happens to be just like Weber State in that they are both the Wildcats and both have the color purple. Now, going back to the fact that this is a college town, and the fact that I work in, for lack of a better term, a “grocery store,” there are frequently customers that are women and of college age. Now, with this information in hand, I shall go back to the color scheme for serious incidents. I was diligently working in my area when one of my co-workers came up to me and said, did you see the code purple? At first, this slightly distressed me. I thought some serious shit happened and I missed it. I said no.  Then, “What?” He then smiled a little bit, and said, “You know, the two code purples that just walked by.” It slowly dawned on me as I saw the two young ladies walking by. Ah yes, a code purple! Well then, in that case, “Yes, as a matter of fact I did see those code purples. There have been quite a few of them in here tonight.” The other guy smiles and says, “ya, that happens a lot here.” My reply was simple and sweet, “Awesome!” That was my induction into code purple. Needless to say, Alisha did not find this story very amusing. ;)

This brings me to my theory on relationships and the viewing of the opposite sex. While dating, the world is a petting zoo. When you are in a serious relationship, or married, the world is a zoo. Allow for some explanation.  While dating, you can look and touch, much like a petting zoo. But while in a committed relationship, there is only looking, much like the Zoo. For a while now I have found that I am ok with the Zoo lifestyle. Precious moments :)

However, Alisha’s feminist personality perplexes me sometimes. For example, before we left for Kansas, we were doing the mundane and monotonous  arranging of stuff for the move. So there I am, navigating this mammoth coffee table into the back seat of her car while she is kinda sitting there and staring at me.  So while I using my Herculean strength to put this table in there, I calmingly ask in a half annoyed voice, “are you gonna help me or stand there?” Her response was half feminist rhetoric and half laziness, “No, I think I’ll leave that to the men.” BLAH! What is this nonsense!?!?!? This aggravates me further and prompted me to say, “well if it’s the man’s job to do the heavy lifting then why don’t you do the woman’s job and get in the kitchen and make me a sandwich.” HAHAHAHAHA. I should of won this argument. I turned her sexist comment back on her. Take that! But as I am sure, you all know what happened, Alisha got annoyed and left. =/  But not before she yelled at me a little bit. On a side note, my dad thought this story was hilarious, until Alisha came walking in and then abruptly stopped laughing and said,  “that was very wrong Zack.” Well now, I see how it is. I should be a feminist too.

Now, On to a completely separate and unrelated note. I don’t know how many of you peruse the RAGE COMICS on MEMEBASE at FAILBLOG.ORG, but I suggest that all of you do. There are some hella funny comics on there. This one is a small little nugget that is Alisha Massen to the letter.

Well, that is all for now. Laters



PS. The update was not approved by Alisha. Nor did Alisha proofread it.

The long treck cross country!

Greetings all! This is your good friend Zack here (along with Alisha), and we decided, well Zack decided, to start a blog. It seems like everyone has a blog nowadays, and since it is hella boring here in the land of Oz, now seemed like an opportune time to start one. So, Fuck Ya! Blog Time! w00t! I will periodically update this thing, whenever the moods strikes me, in order to keep all you informed on our happenings.

This first installment I will share with you all the joy and amusement of our move out here.  Kansas is roughly 16 hours away by car. Add another 3 to that number because of road construction (fucking Kansas has road construction every seven miles). Also, add to that number the time we took for pit-stops, Leesh has a small bladder and must void it frequently, which is another 2 hours. The total for us was around 21 hours of driving time spread out over two days. And sweet Jesus, it took for-fucking-ever. But luckily we managed to find a couple ways to entertain ourselves. I will share some of them with you peeps.

Code names:

To start off this story, it would be relevant to know that we had walkie-talkies. It was a fairly efficient way to stay in communication with one another. Cell phones lose coverage in Wyoming, because let’s face it, there is nothing in Wyoming. So we were talking back and forth on them and every once in a while a random trucker’s voice would come through, which would confuse the both of us. So we decided to create code names so that we could address one another. My name, of course, was Papa Bear. While Leesh picked one that shocked me; Pinkie Pie. So, Pinkie Pie and Papa Bear were communicating back and forth across Wyoming and Kansas. It makes me wonder what the truck-drivers were thinking when they would hear, out of the blue, “Pinkie-Pie, this is Papa Bear, how is your bladder doing?”

Contact problems:

At one point in our driving marathon, I had an itchy eye and went to rub it. Like a dumbass I rubbed it a little too hard (insert that’s what she said joke), and my contact shifted and rendered me blind in one eye. I quickly sent out a radio announcement, “Pinkie-Pie, my contact went stupid on me, can we pull over at the next available spot.” Her response, “Sure thing Papa-Bear.”  So we pull off at the next exit and park in a parking lot of the only building around. And, as chance would have it, it was an adult entertainment store. I quickly fixed my ocular impairment and looked around and discovered where we were. I quickly say, “So Leesh, how about we pop on in there really quick and pick some stuff up.”  To which she replies, “ I don’t think so, I have you now.” This confuses me a little bit, I mean, did she just relate me to some sort of porn star? I quickly mumble some sort of inaudible response to which she just laughs and goes back to her car. I just sat there confused.

Kansas in opinionated:

Speaking of porn, I found out something very unusual about Kansas. While on the road in Kansas we passed a number of signs that speak volumes about the people of Kansas. A number of the farms that we passed had religious signs out along side the road. “Praise Jesus for he is the lord!” and “He died for your signs!” The people of Kansas are also pro-life and the amount of anti-abortion signs almost equals the amount of Praise Jesus signs. Some of those signs are funny, “Choose life, your mother did.” Religious nutters. These signs did lead to an interesting scenario where I saw the sign that said, “Porn hurts Jesus, Don’t  choose porn.” Not even five-hundred feet behind that sign was a billboard which said, “Kansas’ biggest Porn Outlet.” Look at what the churches are doing. Trying to kill small business. Bastards.

Anyway, this blog is long enough now. Time to end it. To summarize. We both made it here safe. Leesh starts school on Monday and I start work on Saturday. Kansas is anti-porn, pro-life, and pro-Jesus! In the journey here we probably killed about 3000 bugs with our cars.  =( The end.